William Katzpresents "Barack Obama's First Hundred Days" ...

(January 21, 2009)

Newly installed Secretary of State Jimmy Carter announced that the entire State Department budget for 2009 will be paid by Saudi Arabia. Standing beside his wife, Carter hotly denied that this would influence American foreign policy. Mrs. Carter wore the new burka given her by the Saudi ambassador, and said that wearing it made her feel liberated. "I don't feel like a sex object anymore," she said.

Secretary Carter also opened a new exhibit in the State Department lobby: "Sixty years of progress - the Story of North Korea."

At the White House, Press Secretary Scott McClellan said that President Obama wasn't aware of Carter's views, and didn't agree with them. "But it's wrong," McClellan said, "to define Secretary Carter's entire career by this one day."

McClellan also rejected rumors that Michelle Obama tried to make a citizen's arrest of former President Bush right after the inauguration. He claimed that Michelle's words addressed to Bush - "You're under arrest for war crimes, you Zionist tool and imperialist slob" - were actually words of affection, reflecting Chicago street talk.

The president announced the appointment of Cindy Sheehan as chief of Central Command, which covers Iraq and Afghanistan. "I want a new perspective," the president said.

Secretary of Melting Al Gore announced his first foreign trip. He will go to Antarctica to issue a formal apology to penguins. "Bush was anti-penguin. We're pro-penguin. It's as simple as that," Gore said. A penguin stood beside him at the press conference and thanked him for his support.

(I think I'll be checking back on this one...!)

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