LENTEN LEVITY

IMPORTANT RECALL NOTICE:
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality", or more commonly known as SIN, as it is primarily expressed.

Some possible symptoms of this SIN defect include: a) Pride, b) Greed, c) Envy, d) Wrath, e) Lust, f) Gluttony and g) Sloth.

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required!

The toll-free number to call is: C-O-N-F-E-S-S-I-O-N. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download GRACE from the Repair Tech, Jesus, into the heart component No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus (using the GRACE component) will help you to replace the SIN defect with: a) Faith, b) Hope, c) Love, d) Prudence, e) Justice, f) Temperance and g) Fortitude. Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes.

As an added upgrade, the manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from a resident Maintenance Technician, the Holy Spirit. The resident Maintenance Technician will also introduce many improvements into the Repaired Units. Repaired Units need only make Him welcome, and He will take up permanent residence on the premises!

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list. The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace because SIN defect cannot be permitted to enter Heaven - so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall.

(printed in today's bulletin, St. Ignatius Parish, Grand Cayman....I'm pretty sure it's off the internet!)